Those Phrases shared by My Father That Rescued Us when I became a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was merely just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the reality quickly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good spot. You must get assistance. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While people is now more comfortable talking about the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a larger reluctance to talk amongst men, who still internalise harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It's not a sign of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a break - spending a short trip away, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a family member, your partner or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."